My brother and I were crammed into the bank’s private room, going through papers in Mother’s safety deposit box. With her knowledge and permission, of course. I picked up a thick folded document on legal paper. Stunned into silence when I discovered what it was.
Mother always told us our Dad abandoned us when I was 3. Took off and never looked back. She was the one stuck with us “ungrateful bastards.” Her life destroyed by having children. The catch phrase as long as I could remember was, “I rue the day I ever had you.”
The legal document was a judge’s decision on my father’s request for full custody in their divorce. It’s not surprising the judge ruled against Dad and gave him no visitation rights. It was the 1960s. At the time, courts usually decided in favour of children staying with their mother. Little did the judge know she was mentally, emotionally, and physically abusive.
Almost everything I’d been told about my Father was lies. I rarely saw him over the years. When I did, our visits always had an undercurrent of sadness and pain. Stemming from my broken heart that my Dad didn’t want me. No Father’s Day card applied, since I wasn’t the apple of his eye and we had no history of shared quality time.
It’s too late now that he’s dead.
Sometimes I imagine the conversations we could have had. Or the relationship we might have enjoyed if the truth had been spoken.
My heart hurts more this Father’s Day than any before. Now that I know what might have been.
Feasture Photo by Alejandra Quiroz on Unsplash
My poems have never rhymed. Even when I first started writing poetry during my depressed teenage angst years. I wrote this poem in my early 20’s. Near the end of my first torrid love affair after catching my love cheating on me. What better day to share it.
I thought when somebody told me he loved me
I'd feel like the Fourth of July.
So why was it only
April the First
When I finally heard it from you?
© 2016 Jan L. Mayes
April Fool is included in my one and only poetry ebook. Every now and then, I add new poems in a free update to Gossamer: A Poetry Collection (2016).
Feature Photo by Eric Froehling on Unsplash
I never imagined
Before you arrived
Of the laughter you’d bring
Or the joy deep inside
Of smiles and of love
For the smallest of games
To the hugest of hugs
A trip to the park
Or a crawl down the floor
Bring curious wonders
As you enter new doors
Growing so quickly
Exhausted by night
I miss you already
Keep safe love
© 2016 Jan L. Mayes
Another Day is included in my one and only poetry ebook. Every now and then, I add new poems in a free update to Gossamer: A Poetry Collection (2016).
Photo by Guzman Barquin on Unsplash used for Feature Image.
I watched the moon levitate
Trapped in wonder on the shore
As it shimmered
A golden pathway
To my feet.
What if other upturned eyes
Are storing that peaceful glow
A magnet between us
When we meet?
©2012 Jan L. Mayes
Moon Struck is included in my one and only poetry ebook. Every now and then, I add new poems in a free update to Gossamer: A Poetry Collection (2016).