No Need for Melodrama: Objective Update on my Safe Shelter In Place on Vancouver Island

I”m sorry for the recent melodramatic posts and messages. Paramedics came today and I DO NOT HAVE CORONAVIRUS. Only my major anxiety disorder flared up badly with a dash of paranoia, cognitive and mental stress, exhaustion, severely flared up hyperacusis (decreased sound tolerance), none of it helped by too much noise in my neighbourhood which ironically is no longer there because of pandemic related local shut-downs in air traffic and construction activities.

In addition, I shared texts and writing with my fam using poor communication skills and satirical sense of humour often too subtle so people don’t get my jokes and get angry/upset/worried, e.g. Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal. Especially those unfamiliar with my author fiction brand like my fam who have never read my fiction or fiction-ish satire blog writing which is quite different from my non-fiction style.

Police confirmed today (yes there was an intervention) that just because I could ration myself to 1 M&M daily (because they are not my favourite candy) it makes my fam fear for my mental health given past history of trying to murder myself long ago. In addition, just because I don’t like my current diet of boiled eggs and oatmeal related to some temporary local supply/demand issues and my tech problems with online ordering, I should not write sad childish emails or texts to my fam about rationing and impending starvation or scurvy because it is an overexaggeration and gets misinterpreted as my mental health major depressive disorder. #satire

CloudMD is going to help me with my Rx refills and any worries (unlike my Dr. Wrong). I promised to figure out how to use the system to chat since again tech difficulties because of my advanced age and unfamiliarity with the Google, Youtube videos, and other such fancy new tech like CloudMD.

A mental health unit is coming to check on me next week to confirm this is not my major depressive disorder. I already know its not but glad to talk about some recent communication and personal issues with a professional.

Thank you to everyone who supported me through this stressful time while I try to get my Vancouver Island summer healing writing retreat plans worked out although more work is needed because I hurt my family’s feelings and made them think I abandoned them. I don’t know how to balance my temporary need for some quiet space versus their want for me to be at home. To discuss more with mental health professional.

Back to my usual author branding:

Maties, I was awoken from a sound sleep by an open hotel room door and police calling my name. Apparently they had been knocking for a while and were concerned I was so sound asleep in the middle of the afternoon. I had to answer a series of questions about any intentions to harm myself. I said I had no plan and thought it best not to mention my contemplations about making a latex glove body suit since I think the gloves are nitrile and obviously I was just being silly as I am wont to do.

I was that tired because in the morning I finally unpacked and organized everything including washing the dishes and making up tidy little to do lists. Although often forgotten, this confirms there are many good reasons for cleaning up your room including showing that you are a healthy not depressed person.

The paramedics were very kind, and although police were stern and scary at first, paramedics agreed that I don’t even have a fever or any particular symptoms so I am fine to stay in my little kitchenette as long as I want. Police also confirmed I can make my own independent decisions and am not bound to obey to anybody which was not in my marriage vows because we changed it to respect.

All parties involved seemed more happy when I explained that my jokes are often misunderstood, and how much I love Victoria and local people/cuisine so much that I had been disappointed not to have access to the usual culinary delights experienced in past visits. And this likely biased my sad childish writing to fam about unsatisfactory gustatory experiences thus far in my visit.

I still have a very bad headache and need to rest. Often with earplugs and heater blowing so any missed phone calls or texts was due to hearing or snoozing and not attempt to isolate myself or ignore upset fam. There was some judgement that I was sound asleep at 2:00 pm in the afternoon with the curtains closed which can be a sign of depression as I know. But I am still adjusting my wake/sleep cycle back to diurnal instead of nocturnal (past 4 months) which I felt was too complicated to the brave kind paramedics and police who helped me today.

I was able to point out that clearly I am in a cozy kitchenette that is tickety boo and even did the dishes (which only confirms my point about cleaning up your room because you never know who is going to pop by). Dishes are prone to be left unwashed and hair unbrushed when people are depressed. I had just had a shower so believe that was also a point in my favour.

I pointed out that if I was going to kill myself I would have done it at home and not wasted time and energy packing up in haste and rushing to my favourite place to plan a healing writing retreat summer getaway. They did not appreciate this point, and confirmed they were bringing in a mental health team next week as above. They seemed more satisfied when I told them I already planned to do that anyway when I felt better, and thanked them very much for organizing it so I had one less thing to worry about.

They tested me with many questions involving names, dates, and assorted fact checks. I am proud to report that I got every answer right, even trick questions trying to confirm my birthday in January, which it is not as I do know. Except for one questionswhich is the date of my brother’s birthday. I know the month/day but never the year. Only that he is 3 years older than me. And given my current exhausted state it was too much to calculate the exact year although I suggested a couple that were likely fairly close. I mean, who really remembers their older brother’s year of birth anyway? I never have. He’s just my big bro. And that should be enough which it was for police professionals.

I thanked them for checking on me and apologized for wasting their time with a non-critical case when their brave help is needed for so many other critical cases locally. And that is not a joke but most sincere. We said our good byes and I told them I hoped they stayed safe and healthy while doing their work during these challenging pandemic times.

Jan L. Mayes

“Never give up. Never surrender.”

Author, audiologist, educator, quiet activist, playing with words.

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